WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE ABUSED.

Should I Call The Gardai ?

The Gardai should be contacted during or immediately after the violence, if you
want the person who beat you arrested. The Gardai can also offer you protection
in leaving the house and bring you to a safe place.

EVIDENCE
This is very important if you are going to apply to the Courts for a Protection
/ Barring Order or Safety Order. You can get friends, relatives or a female staff
member at the Support Centre to take colour pictures of your injuries. These
must be dated and signed by the person who takes them. You will need to save
any torn or bloody clothing. If you  need medical attention  tell the doctor the name
of the abuser  so you can use the doctor’s report in Court. These are all necessary
for a Protection Order while you are waiting to appear in Court for a Barring
or Safety Order.

OPTIONS WHILE STILL LIVING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

CHANGE
You want changes in your relationship and for your partner to stop abusing you,
so what can you do?

Before any of us can change a relationship, we have to understand what is
occurring in it. But understanding is not enough. In order for your life and your
relationship to change, you have to do something different, not just think about it
differently.Because abuse is about power and control, your partner is not going
to want to loose his control over you. It is important to remember that when you are
going to start changing the relationship your partner may become even more of a
bully or a tyrant, he might withdraw, threaten to leave or try to punish you. Some
abusive men respond to  their partners new strengths with a different kind of
manipulation, tears, apologies and promises to change. All reactions have the
same goal, to get his partner to give up her attempts to change the relationship.
You must be aware at all times of your safety and the safety of your children and
be clear as to what you will and can do if the abusive behaviour does turn violent.

YOUR OPTIONS

  • Talk to someone about how you feel.
  • You can telephone
    Donegal Women’s Domestic Violence Service and speak to a
    trained member of staff
  • You can find out all of your options if you do decide at any stage that you
    are not prepared to stay in the relationship.
  • You can try counselling where you will be able to explore your feelings
    and understanding of what’s going on in your relationship and how to set limits.
  • You can try group therapy where you will have the support of other women in
    similar circumstances.
  • You can start reading books from the recommended readers page so that
    you can become more aware of how power and control work in relationships.
It is very important that you nurture yourself when you are hurting and that you
believethat you deserve the same kind of loving attentions that you have being giving
to others. Making changes in a destructive relationship is not easy. A destructive
relationship is like an open wound-it just continues to fester without healing.
Donegal Women’s Domestic Violence Service has support services to help you;
do not be afraid to ask for this help.

ion, and isolation